Audio: Trusting myself
Find a comfortable seating position and with palms up, lay your right hand into your left and then gently into your lap. Now close your eyes and breathe normally.
Put your attention to your jaw and facial muscles and give yourself a moment to release any tension, to loosen these muscles and your jaw.
Now slowly roll your shoulders up to your ears and then to the back and down. Repeat it once more, roll them up to the ears and down to your back. Slowly rolling up to the ears and rolling down to the back.
Turn your head slowly to left shoulder, not creating any hurt or uneasiness and turn it slowly all the way to your right shoulder. Once more to the left and to the right and one last time to the left, to the right, coming back to the front.
Now imagine there is a string attached to the top of your head, at your crown, and I am slowly and carefully pulling it up. Your spine straightens, your neck and head straighten, you lift your chin just a little and you give yourself room in your chest.
Leave your eyes closed, and on the count of three, exhale through your nose, long and purposefully. 1-2-3, exhale everything out through your nose. Now through your nose, inhale first into your lower belly, let the breath rise up slowly to your chest and then let the breath continue to your throat, hold your breath, try to take in a little bit more air, and with a long sigh, from your throat to your belly, let it all out. We will do this two more times. Take a deep and full breath in, into your belly, all the way up into your chest, into your throat, feel all your body expanding and hold it. Now on the count of three, let go of any tension you might feel. 1-2-3, breathe out with a sigh and let it all go. One more time, slowly, deeply, purposefully and to the count of ten. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. Hold it and imagine how you are expanding and opening. Hold it. Hold it. And now let it all out. Breathe normally.
In your mind’s eye, visualize, create, see yourself standing on the top of a hill, looking down into a valley. With the sun above you, you feel the warmth on your head, in your neck and on your shoulders, travelling down your spine.
Shimmering in the sun, you see the greens and the yellows, the whites and the purples. You start to walk down, slowly, just taking in what is around you. Your hands slide over the grass, the herbs and flowers and you notice the tingling sensation it gives you. While you continue to walk, you recognize that the grass, the herbs, the flowers are growing tall, taller than you. You don’t question, you don’t fall tense or feel afraid, having the knowing that every step you take will eventually take you to the clearing meant for you. And so you continue to walk, until you step out and stand still.
You are standing at the cliffs, with vast, lush, nurturing green around you. The sight seems endless. You feel the softness under your feet, the tender wind on your skin, the sweetness on your tongue, the ocean sounds in your ears. You are not afraid of heights and while you look down the cliffs, you see the rocks, the stones, the sand, the natural rhythm of the back and forth of the waves.
Knowing it is time, you slowly turn around and doing so, you see a person standing in the distance, a person looking just like you. You stand still, keeping your distance, just observing. You don’t feel fearful or uncertain, threatened or overwhelmed. The other person looks at you, smiling and with a small nod, you allow him to walk towards you until you stand so close to each other, that you can feel his warmth. The warmth travels from the front of you around you, wrapping you gently in. You know the other person is you, and you know that it doesn’t matter if this is the you who was or will be, as long as it is the you, you need to be part of in the here and now. And you sink into this feeling of having found something precious you lost at one point and with letting your shoulders loose, a deep breath in and out gives the release. You embrace each other, holding each other strongly and long.
You release the embrace, while your hands find their way to each other, and you ask: “What am I supposed to do?” The other you keeps his hand in yours, turns around and starts walking. Never letting go and without any exhaustion you follow his lead and you walk up the hill, higher and higher and higher, grateful for every step you take.
You come to a halt on a ledge, high up above the clouds. Hand in hand you stand next to each other and suddenly you think: “I have come a long way, I should acknowledge where I have reached. I have clouded my vision, my feelings and thoughts with these of others and lost sight of myself.” With this thought building up within you, your second you asks you: “Do you trust me?” And you take a deep breath in, hold your breath and you breathe out the doubt, the distrust in yourself, the worries. You breathe in the strength of trust in yourself, hold it, and you breathe out the doubt, the distrust in yourself and the worries other have given you. You breathe in the strength of trust in yourself, hold it, and you breathe out all that is holding you back from being yourself.
Your second you asks you: “Do you trust me?” And you answer: “Yes”. And with this, he squeezes your hand, takes a step forward and head first, you fall. You fall through layers, layers of space, of warmth of wind until you dive deep into the water.
You ascend from it as a whole, complete, finding your footing at the beach, just below where you met.
You look out to the ocean, and he says: “You touch the universe and you are standing tall on this ground. All you need is here; all you need is within you.” And without a further saying, you turn to the rocks, climb them up hand in hand, steady and purposeful. When you reach the spot you have met, you lay in each other arms with your eyes closed. And it is same feeling from before that overcomes you: The tingling on your arms, your shoulders, your back, this feeling of release. Full release.
You move your hands slowly, your toes, the muscles in your upper legs, you stretch your spine. And you slowly open your eyes.